Like a meteor streaking across the night sky

喝了交杯
幻覺好美
甜蜜方糖
跳進苦咖啡
信以為真
痛出了眼淚
沒有後悔可以退
可以退
醒來又醉

the song of wanderer

偶然的撞擊、莫名的顫動，把一直以來積壓在胸口的鬱悶狠狠給吐了出來，按熄了鍵，思想需要暫停。

是不是早在十多二十年前，我就一直是這樣子的活著，許多事情決不是我主動選擇，卻又是無可避免的，然後或多或少在成長之中造成深深淺淺不同程度的痛苦與哀傷，而這些撞擊、痛苦卻又是必需要的。可當我駕馭不了這些感受，就只有逃，逃進自己的世界裡，只有這樣，才能舒緩一點，暫離各式各樣的"痛苦與無助"，這是我一向賴以為生的模式。

當我再一次感到無法承受的時候，也只有這樣，我一直相信只有離開才可以復原，我知道這在你眼中無疑又是一次逃避，我卻一直深信這才是復原的唯一方式，也是對雙方最好的一種方式。我希望我是錯的，亦希望跟你在一起也能克服那一直纏繞著我的夢魘，我在想，是不是應該有另一種方式可以讓我擺脫心魔，除掉那緊緊鎖死了的結 ?

也許多少個_也只不過是鏡子，照出的不是別人，而是自己，那站在血紅的圓心中的，也只有自己，我才發現原來我一直是這樣活著的。

老實說，再次感到很想逃。

這夜我再一次無法自已，因為難以接受，我是多望渴望能毀掉這個我，尋回那自由的身影，那曾經的身影，那很遠很遠的身影，然後一把緊緊的抓抱著，不再離開。

也是這夜，我應該放下一直怨懟的，學會感激。

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

don't look back
it's breathless to recall the blossom and the wilt

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.
I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.
I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.

For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.
All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?
Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

Ecclesiastes Chapter III
 



Love

我是多麼深愛著這世界
又同樣渴望毀滅這一切！
且讓我盡情釋放心中那無以名狀的狂亂騷動吧
否則怎能化解
天明時
我睜眼如潮湧般的憂傷

--《日安憂鬱》

YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW HOW IT TASTES, NEVER !!!!

人生好些時候就是這般的無能為力
你如何能要求別人明白與理解你內心的委屈、矛盾、掙扎與痛苦
當你也身陷其中
找不到出口的時候

只是
此時此刻
我無法忘記在痛苦無助時的否定、責難與重撃
我無法忘記在絕望時衝動意氣之過所換來不絕的委屈、鞭撻與凌虐
被處以的極刑

感謝好的、壞的
上天給予我的一切經歷

Fly away

她說
人一生中總會經歷和面對　
屈辱 無助 蔑視 謾罵 互相指責 欺凌 暴力 心靈創傷 精神虐待
......　　　　
林林總總　　
無法預計的黑暗負能量
抑壓著的壞情緒　
不懂如何釋懷

我想
不稀罕錦上添花
只祈求有心人
在身邊不離不棄的扶持著
共同渡過一切悲喜 憂患 得失 高低 起落 生死　

若你能參透人生的渺少卑微不足不善
伸出小手來
為這世界添上色彩和溫暖

那麼
煩惱
算甚麼 ?

There's no flower that never dies‭ ‬
There's no‭ ‬tide that's always high
There's no light that always shines
What's the trouble‭ ‬on‭ ‬your mind

There's no scar that never fades
There's no wound‭ ‬that always stays
Tthere's no desperation‭ ‬that‭ ‬won't go away
So why‭ ‬the sadness on your face

Time‭ ‬goes by without a trace‭ ‬
Life‭ ‬goes on without fanfare
Don't be afraid of any moment‭ ‬that you‭ ‬have
Life goes on and on and on
On and on and on and on

沒有不會謝的花
沒有不會退的浪
沒有不會暗的光
你在煩惱什麼嗎

沒有不會淡的疤
沒有不會好的傷
沒有不會消散的絕望
你在憂鬱什麼啊

時間從來不回答
生命從來不喧嘩
就算只有片刻‭ ‬我也不害怕
是片刻組成永恆哪
片刻組成永恆哪
 

Hiding among the world of fiction and mirage, hiding among the grave

To get the sense of security

把書重看一遍，彷彿對照著一面鏡子，再細想段段來時路，一點一滴，慢慢參透當中的因果共業，了解自己與身邊人，也更明白問題之所在。雖有云:「因果難改，皆品性難易。」但看透徹後是應該放下心中的孽障，丟棄昔日的任性與執著，重新活過來。當然，說是容易，可路是艱難的，願我能一步一步走過去，做回一個我所喜悅的自己。

-世上沒有不能失去的，除了內心的自由。

恩師說: 每個人都相信他所堅持的是對的，理所當然的，所以很多時候很難理解別人為何不明白一些顯而易見的道理。然而，這卻正正是他的盲點。 

要爭取別人認同自己的觀點，需要以許多耐性和時間，在互相尊重的氣氛下，提出別人能理解並共鳴的佐證。這是她當老師的一點心得。

Make a wish

work hard on it

tho it's a long way to go

Wish．Love

a piece of creased paper.

告訴我

告訴我
甚麼是幻象
甚麼是真相
告訴我
哪個才是真實的你

有一道力
叫人求生
另一道力
叫人求死
在這兩道力之中
人們被監禁
無法安舒
告訴我
囚禁的監牢是甚麼
哪裡有鑰匙
教我懂得往哪一個方向死
往哪一個方向活

倏然
我想起了
那不小心摔破的琉璃瓦
落滿一地碎片
碎片拼合以後
已不再是原來的樣子
我只能做的
或許
是以新的角度欣賞它吧
即使它不再完美
即使它帶著瘡疤
只因
我還是愛它

慢慢地
一步一步
歷盡心靈掙扎
從麻醉中甦醒
恢復知覺
恢復痛楚
向幻象死
向真相活
重獲自由
。

複雜的感覺、情緒、思想、記憶
全都糾纏在一起
純粹的
簡單的
種種
都回不去了
。

如果看見地獄．我就不怕魔鬼 

在暴烈與狂嘯中驚醒
環抱著一臉的淚水
夢內的掙扎、怒吼、痛哭、呼喊
把埋在根底的怨恨與苦毒都釋放出來
漸漸的
慢慢的
平靜了
接受了
怕
接受
是放棄之始
是放下之源
放棄 /
放下
是重生的唯一路徑嗎
?
我覺得
已經一生了
怕
擺脫不了
醒著
睡著
都逃不了
但願我可以跟你一樣

——   雪的溫柔是雪掩蓋了世界，無論這個世界那麼醜惡或骯髒。
          人為甚麼要有感情，而感情又是那麼的糾纏不清。在這無法開解的夾纏當中，每個
          人都不由自主。
          到一天我會無話可說。猶如瓜熟蒂落，河水終歸於大海，皺紋爬上你我的臉。
          我總會無話可說。
          到那一天，我便自由了。
          而且我想，那一天不會離現在很遠。

        《無愛記》